December 2011

When Cooking Goes Wrong

"The biggest problem with my cooking is that I don't believe in stopping to ask directions"

My most recent partner said that her bisexuality was confirmed by dating me, because I was clearly a woman on the outside, but a man when it came to the cooking. First of all, we were very not very compatible in general in the food department. She grew up in an Italian American enclave on Staten Island, and I grew up in the Midwest. She thinks pasta is a comfort food, and I think pasta is something you eat when you run out of the meat in the house. The biggest problem with my cooking is that I don't believe in stopping to ask directions and I don't know when to stop experimenting. For example, consider this recent example. If you really want to have a bad food experience, do this:

1. Be really hungry.

2. Open up a can of manwich sauce because you liked it when your mom made manwiches.

3. Remember you don't have any ground beef, and anyway you live on a boat and don't have a stove.

4. Decide canned tuna from the dollar store will be a good substitute.

Same Sex Marriages are Facing Higher Taxes

Same-sex Still Can't File Jointly



According to an article in CNN, same-sex spouses are paying up to $6,000 a year in extra taxes because the government doesn’t recognize gay marriage. Marriage usually reaps benefits for any heterosexual couples, however, same-sex families aren’t allowed to yet enjoy the same perks associated with marriage since they are required to still file taxes separately instead of jointly.

Although gay marriage is being more widely accepted as a legal right, the imbalance still persists. There are more than 12 states that are now granting full or partial marriage rights to same-sex couples and this is the first time that the majority of Americans favor gay marriage. With same-sex spouses filing independently, it means that they can’t combine their income and deductions to take advantage of lower tax rates. This means that it’s also harder to qualify for certain tax breaks because the credits phase out sooner for single filers.

Rap Now Endorsing the Gay Movement

After Years of Being Against it


For a long time, rappers and homophobic hate speech have gone hand in hand but the time has come where MCs from Fat Joe to The Game are changing their tune and supporting gay pride.

The rap music genre’s that exploded in the early 1980s and stood apart as one of the culture’s most unregulated forums for anti-gay hate speech. Ice Cube to Eminem has spoken out against gays, lesbians and the like. MCs have unleashed homophobic rants and hurled sluts in songs without the fear of censorship or reprisal for decades.

ABC's "Work It" exploits transgender stereotypes

Should you care how you get your funny?

ABC is unrolling a sitcom that seems like some kind of misogynistic update of Dustin Hoffmann's Tootsie. If you don't remember the movie, Dustin Hoffmann dresses in female drag because he can't find acting work and lands a job on a soap opera. Also iffy--Hoffmann's character and his character on the soap opera control the female mouthpiece, spouting off feminist rhetoric and how wonderful it is to be a woman. Misguided, perhaps, but at least this movie's heart was in the right place.

Legalization of Same-sex Marriage can Improve Health

Doctors in Legalized States have Seen a Decrease in Visits

According to an article in USA today, a new study recently found that gay men who live in states where same-sex marriage is legal are healthier, have less stress, make fewer doctor visits and have lower health-care costs.

This study included 1,200 patients who were at a large Massachusetts health clinic that provides services for gay men and other sexual minorities. In the 12 months following the 2003 legalizations of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, there was a significant decrease in medical care visits, mental health visits, and mental health care costs among gay and bisexual men in comparison to the 12 months prior when same-sex marriage was still illegal.

Queering the Road Trip

"To avoid entrapment, bring your own partner and be super extra doubledog discrete."

I'm the original homebody. I've been known to call my cats to make sure everything is the middle of an important meeting.  However thanks to my life as a traveling queer comic I find myself muddling along with googlemaps at least a few weekends a month.  Since it's around holidays,  you're probably be making trips yourself. Here are some suggestions to make things go a little more smoothly. Or at least more queerly.

Macy's Trying to Combat Negative Image

When it Comes to the Transgendered Community

A Macy’s store in San Antonio has fired an employee who refused to let a transgender woman use a women’s fitting room – and a conservative legal group is combating this decision saying that the woman’s religious freedom was violated.

A few days after Thanksgiving, Natalie Johnson, the worker denied the transgender customer access to the dressing room at the Macy’s located in the Rivercenter Mall. Shortly after, an argument ensued, which involved other customers as well as Johnson’s manager. The manager told her that transgender shoppers could use the room of their choice.

Queer Gratitude Week: Baby Dyke With Flag

I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving with all the messy history of genocide and racism, but I am a big fan of gratitude. So while I'm visiting the Historic Land Of Our People (San Francisco), I started thinking of this photo of me as a kid I found when I was cleaning out a few old boxes.

I was totally a baby dyke. This particular picture was taken July 4, 1976 at my grandparents house in Michigan. I was 8; this picture was taken just after my sister and I had completed a bicentennial presentation including a poem line “don't take freedom for granted/not as if it had been planted.” I was apparently trying to be a comedian early!

Don't Drop the Buck into the Bucket

For Salvation Army Bell Ringers who Don't Support LGBT Rights

The Salvation Army’s red kettle fundraising campaign is not going to be getting a ringing endorsement from the gay and lesbian community this year.

Gay-rights groups are now urging a boycott of donations to the holiday bell-ringers saying that the Salvation Army has a long history of discriminating against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, which is a charge that the charity is denying.

Queers, Community and the Long Loneliness

Ran into a link to I Envy Alcoholics on my daily facebook poke around. The article, by legendary bisexual author, blogger, cupcake lover, editor Rachel Kramer Bussel was a really shockingly honest post. I wasn't familiar with the The Fix, a slightly tongue in cheek online community focused on recovery and addiction but the publication of the article-- and the quality of the resultant conversation—really piqued  my interest.

The major thrust of Kramer-Bussel's article is thus: “there are no 12-step meetings for people who simply have trouble getting up every day, who feel hollow and weak and unworthy, but who don't gloss over those feelings with a single, predictable vice,” Some of the commenting is a bit mean-spirited and almost all of runs towards “here, take this advice” but I noticed a through line, and that's “we're all searching for community.” I was interested to see that people in recovery specifically from drug addiction or alcoholism didn't direct harsh criticism at her for being open about her search for support.   Not to say they weren't harsh in other (in my mind, entirely unnecessary) ways but it seems liked that search for support, for understanding, for real community was almost innately understood.  

Queer Sorrow, Set to a Straight Tune

Death Cab for Cutie 'I Will Follow You Into the Dark.”

I lost a partner to cancer in 2007 and then a second partner to cancer in 2011. I told a friend recently that I'm pretty sure my primary relationship is to grief. This makes me very popular at parties, let me tell you.

But when people try and make conversation, want to know how it feels, I tell them “there's a song you should listen to. A Death Cab for Cutie song called 'I Will Follow You Into the Dark.”

This definitely isn't a song that jumps on your chest, yelling and screaming until you emote. Instead, it holds a softly curled hand to your neck, silently choking the sobs out of you.